Socks, Highwaters, and Owls, Oh My!

I was actually excited when I turned 30 a few (okay, six) years ago. For one thing, I like myself and my life better and better with each passing year. I know myself better, too. But the main reason was that 30 seemed sooooo OLD when I was growing up. If someone was in their 30's they were ancient and out of touch. I'm not exactly ancient yet I don't think. But out of touch? Absolutely! I always have been. So turning 30 now makes it allowable, even acceptable, to be lame.

Needless to say, this is good news for someone who has been lame for a very long time. Nowhere is my lameness more evident than in my closet. I've never dressed well. I look back in horror at old pictures of me in high school. I should have known better; of course I should have. But I didn't. And if you've ever met my mother, you know I didn't have much help in the fashion department. My sister had better taste, but she was kind of a nerd until college, so again... no help. And yes, looking back I'm horrified, but I don't really know how to change all of the wrong fashion choices I made. Would I do things differently today? I guess. But what exactly I don't know. So when I turned 30 I figured I could continue dressing badly just as I always had, but now it would somehow look better because it would be more socially acceptable for a person in her 30's to be wearing that shirt, or those shoes. Or have, gulp, that hair!

To this day, I don't really know when it's okay to wear socks with dress shoes. In the spring and summer I think I'm in pretty good shape with my assortment of sandals. But since I have to dress up (somewhat - business casual) for work, I can't wear the clogs I normally wear in the fall and winter. I have to wear close-toed shoes in the cooler months. Is it okay to wear socks with them? I've noticed several of my younger coworkers don't wear them. But then, they wear tall heels with really pointy toes. That looks really painful, so I wear something with a low heel and comfortable sole. This translates into - an ugly shoe. Would socks make them more or less attractive? I just don't know.

There are a lot of times at work when I'm in the restroom where the full-length mirrors are and I notice that my pants come down to around my ankles. I have never viewed this as a problem, but my younger, cuter coworkers never have any ankle showing. Their pants are practically all the way to the floor! I'd trip over my pant legs if I did that! And anyway, the more weight I gain, the higher my pants seem to rise. So for these reasons, I sometimes wear high-waters. A bold fashion move or just a bad look for a thirtysomething has-been? Wait, don't answer that.

I can also tell you - and I'm not bragging here - that I am wearing several sweaters and shirts that I have been wearing for at least seven or eight years now. I'm pretty sure the styles have changed since they were purchased, but I will not be rushed into buying new clothes. Many items no longer really flatter me due to the fact that I'm at least 10 pounds heavier than I was when I bought them. So, I have to stretch them from here to Ohio just to make them fit. But I will not be defeated! I will continue to wear them until they disintegrate, are lost at the dry cleaners, or someone stages a fashion intervention and saves me from myself.

Really, it's not my intention to dress badly. It's just that I have no flair at all for fashion. I truly don't know what works together and what doesn't so I am at a horrible disadvantage. I used to feel some level of guilt about dressing so badly and having such lame taste. But I embrace it now because I'm in my mid 30's. I can proudly wear "mom jeans" and comfortable shoes because I don't have to be attractive anymore. Not that I ever was - but now there's no guilt involved. It's really quite freeing. You should try it. In fact, please do. Then maybe I won't be the only hideous person out there...

Of course I'm thinking of all of this because I was folding my kids' clothes tonight and I came across a couple of shirts with owls on them. What's the rule on owls? Are they strictly a Fall option? I see little girls wearing bunnies year-round and not only at Easter. Are owls allowed the same consideration? Ugh, I just don't know. (or maybe I don't give a "hoot" a-hahahahaha!) This is really hard. I could be shaping my girls' lameness by allowing them to wear something that it completely passe. Someone please help me or, better yet, help them. I'm already a lost cause. But they are young and still capable of being molded into snazzy dressers. Oh gosh! No one even says "snazzy dressers" anymore do they??!! I'm sure "lame" isn't even a cool enough word to describe something lame anymore. I'm probably too lame to know the new word for lame.

Well, please give me some guidance on the socks and the owls. That will at least get me started. And please don't hold my horrendous taste against my sweet children. They are innocent in all of this. I welcome your fashion advice but would appreciate it if you would be gentle with your critiques. I may look lame but underneath the ill-fitting shirts and short pants, I do care.