Helpful Parenting Advice

Prior to having children, I was every other mother's worst nightmare: I was a childless, judgemental know-it-all who freely dispensed advice to people who actually had children. If I wasn't giving out helpful advice I was shooting dirty looks to parents whose children were ruining my food shopping experience by running wild in the grocery store. If my sister's kids were acting up and she was beyond frustrated, I would simply tell her how the situation should be handled. I'm sure she was most appreciative of such wisdom. Free advice at the ready from someone with absolutely no experience in child-rearing - who wouldn't want that?!

In the almost four years that have passed since I became a mom, I have wondered exactly how many times I should apologize to my sister and others for being so completely ignorant and insensitive. (If you add in all of the other stupid stuff I've done, the answer would be, I'd have to do it 24 times a day for the rest of my life.) Something happened to me today that reminded me just how annoying I must have been to other mothers around me for all of those years. Here's the story:

We are having a photographer come to our house Friday morning to do a photo shoot of our family. Because of that, I had the girls at our salon this morning to get Kate's hair cut and my eyebrows yanked out in a desperate bid to be attractive by Friday. When we arrived, Mike was there in Ms. Stacey's seat getting his hair trimmed (took about 6.5 seconds). With the girls in tow, I breezed past the sign at the front of the establishment that reads: For the safety and comfort of our guests, please stay in the waiting area until your stylist can see you.

I plopped down in the empty chair next to Ms. Stacey with Meg in my lap and Kate scaling my leg to try and grab a spot next to Meg. We chatted with everyone - stylists and patrons - for a minute or two when Meg decided she had had enough of me and kicked and wriggled her way off of my lap and onto the floor. People were telling us how cute the girls are (which is so true) and how much fun they must be (sometimes that's true). They remarked about how similar they look (also true) and how sweet they were (not at all true).

Kate was being very coy and kept burying her face into my chest every time some spoke to her or even looked her way. She's very bashful just like I was at her age. Meg, on the other hand, was performing. She was dancing around for everyone; smiling sweetly and waving at everyone in the room. People would compliment her and she would tilt her head and say. "Kank Yew!" to which everyone would reply "Awwwwww".

I am always filled with such pride every time someone compliments my girls. They do have sweet dispositions. They are adorable. They are both very silly and very funny. Who wouldn't be proud? Of course, it never dawns on me how many times I've said these things to other parents just to be nice. It did dawn on me today, however, after one stylist said, "Maggie, could you pick her up? I don't want someone to trip over her."

What?!! Trip over her cuteness? Trip over her blonde, bouncing curls? Trip over her huge personality? You don't mean she's in your way, do you? But...But... She's Meg. She's not that nasty kid in WalMart with no shoes and Kool Aid all over her fat, filthy face. She's too cute to be in someone's way. She's too sweet to be...gasp!...annoying.

How did I miss this? I am always very tuned into the needs and feelings of others, particularly when it comes to the volume of my kids' voices and their heightened energy level. I always wondered how parents could be so oblivious to the fact that their child was misbehaving - could it be that they viewed it as "cute" behavior and assumed others thought it was as precious as they did? Or was I right all along and they truly are just all terrible parents and this was just a rare occurrence for me? I'm just sure it's the latter.

I grabbed Meg up into my arms, embarrassed, and apologized profusely. I noticed that there was not one, "Oh, that's okay" in the crowd. We walked over to the waiting area with Kate following close behind. I was acutely aware of both girls' behavior for the rest of our time there and I have to say, they were pretty well-behaved. Kate sat very still while Ms. Stacey trimmed her hair and even gave her a sweet, sincere "thank you". I apologized again as I paid for her services with Kate standing next to me and Meg zipping in and out of the "tunnel" of my legs. I pondered this important lesson that I was fortunate enough to learn. I decided to never again purport to be a better or more considerate mother than others and I would certainly be smart enough going forward to keep my opinions to myself.

On the way home, we had to make a quick trip into WalMart. We were in line behind this woman whose two kids were SCREAMING and demanding that she buy them some "Bubba" Gum (we live in Lookout Valley where this is the common pronunciation). As I looked at this harried woman, I felt her pain and I thought to myself, Someone should really tell her to shut those kids up.