I giggle every time Kate refers to her girly part as a "Ba-gina", therefore, I am too immature to be a parent.

Yes, it's true. Not only have I told Kate that that particular body part is called a vagina (there's just really not a good word for it, is there?), I also giggle when she mispronounces the word. What are some other things that prove I am a sub par parent? Sadly, it won't take long for me to think of examples...

For one thing, I am a voice-raiser. I am conscious of it when it is happening, and yet I allow it to happen. How else am I going to get the girls' attention, though? Really?! Perhaps they are misbehaving because they didn't hear my initial requests for them to stop whatever it is they are doing. So, I raise my voice to make my point and they end up winning whatever issue it was because I am now reduced to a 2 year old or 4 year old level.

I also use bribery in order to accomplish what I need them to accomplish. I said I'd never do it, but here we are. I have watched other parents beg and plead with their child(ren) to get them to cooperate and then ultimately give them some kind of goodie in exchange for their cooperation. Who is the parent here? I would wonder to myself. I wonder the same thing when I promise gummy bears if they will smile for a family photo. What I should do is allow them to act like the little monsters they can be so that later I can point out to them how they ruined every Kodak moment when they were kids. Which brings me to my next struggle:

Sarcasm. If there's one thing kids "get", it's sarcasm. (That, incidentally, was sarcasm.) I use sarcasm all the time with my kids. I am very calm and sweet with them as I chastise them with my words. And I do it with a smile on my face. The day they learn to do this back to me will not be a good day. When I use sarcasm with them, I am teaching them to use it with others. I happen to love sarcasm and think it is hilarious. However, it is an adult way to communicate; not for young little minds who want nothing more than to please their parents. Like I need to tell you what sarcasm is (again, that's sarcasm).

But the good news is, I do have a lot of positive things I want to bestow upon my children. I figure that because I have some good, valuable lessons I want to teach them that even with all of the yelling, bribery and sarcasm, they still have a shot of turning out okay. Plus, their father is a wonderful person. Hopefully his influence will outweigh mine. Here is a sampling of what I hope to teach my girls as they age through my words and more importantly, my actions:

1. Value each other and love having a sister. I have loved having mine.
2. Value family. Invest time with your family as you grow and even as your peer group changes over the years.
3. Seek out a husband who is a loving as your father. Don’t ever settle for less than that. It is better to be on your own than with someone who is less than wonderful to you.
4. Value your mind and body. Demand that other people value and respect it as well.
5. Appreciate what you have. Don’t focus on what you don’t have. (Happiness is wanting what you get.)
6. Don’t get married right out of college. Spend some time on your own developing your own identity.
7. Be nice to everyone. Treat everyone with respect and dignity. It’s better to be known as a nice person than to be labeled as “popular”.
8. Be comfortable doing your own thing. This requires comfort in your own skin.
9. Love the name you were given. It was special to your parents and it should be to you.
10. Surround yourself with people of quality. Recognize that quality comes in all shapes and sizes and from all types of backgrounds.
11. Read to develop your knowledge and interests.
12. Have hobbies.
13. Never let a boy/man come between a good friendship. Better to lose the man.
14. Care what adults think of you. Carry yourself with strong character, class and impeccable poise.
15. Don’t ever take up smoking. Not all people who smoke are trashy, but all trashy people smoke.
16. Insist on a sober driver, or be it yourself. Your life and the lives of your friends depend on it.
17. Never be out of control of yourself. If you are vulnerable to others, they may take advantage.
18. Never let your sister or your friend be out of control of herself and vulnerable to others. (My kids will know who Natalee Holloway was.)
19. Be a good listener. (Most importantly, listen to me!)
20. Whatever you do, do a good job. Yours should be tough shoes to fill.
21. Tell someone if you are unhappy. You don’t have to live in a cloud. There are things that can help.
22. Don’t let fear hold you back; but practice caution.
23. Problems do not go away by failing to acknowledge they exist.
24. Know that behind every lecture your father or I might subject you to, is love.
25. Despite mistakes your father and I make along the way, you are loved and our intentions were always pure.

I'm sure there are more, but that's a start. Parenting is the most important thing I have ever done in my life and it is the one I approach with the least amount of knowledge. We make this up as we go along, don't we? If we invest our time, energy and love into it, though, our kids will realize (through lots and lots of therapy probably) that we did the best we could do.

If I still have readers out there, tell me some of the things you want to teach your kids and I'll add them to my own list (if they're good). I had to end with some sarcasm...