Yes, it has been a woeful week. First, my beloved Conan O'Brien was informed that he was losing the Tonight Show. True, this really doesn't affect me, but I hate it for him. I really like him. He's a genius, but apparently too goofy for the mainstream. I started watching his Late Night show early on after seeing clips of it on another hilarious show, Talk Soup.
What piqued my interest was a sketch he and Andy Richter did where they played a practical joke on an oscillating fan. They actually placed it into a walk-in freezer and then sat back and commented on how this fan must be wondering why in the world it was in a freezer. The sketch was reminiscent of TV's Bloopers and Practical Jokes where Ed McMahon and Dick Clark would provide a voice-over while the practical jokes were taking place. During the fan incident, Conan and Andy would remark things like, "this fan has NO idea why it's cooling off a freezer!" It was absolute lunacy. And I thought it was the greatest thing I had ever seen. And don't get me started on one of my favorites from his Late Night days - Country Cuckoo Clock Codpiece Zulu Warriors. Seriously, don't get me started. I will sing the theme song ad nauseum.
Conan will be okay, of course. They'll pay him millions of dollars to leave NBC. I hope he'll be able to start a new show. I have the DVR set every night to record him. Once he goes off the air, I'll really miss my CoCo. The girls will, too. They love his crazy dancing around the stage. Who knows what the real story is, but Jay Leno sure seems to be the common denominator in both this and the David Letterman Tonight Show mess. I don't think I like him. I'm on Team Conan!!
Second, I lost the previously-blogged-about photo contest. I didn't lose it, per se. I just came in second. Lost to my neighbor. On her blog, she informed her readers that she "smoked the competition". That would be me. Smoked. Toasted. Squished. Obliterated. Ground into a million tiny pieces then flushed down the toilet. In other words, I got second place. I thought I made it clear in my post that she didn't deserve to win - what with her cute hair and great personality. What part of that didn't my readers get?! Oh well. Second place isn't so bad. Let's all remember Suzette Charles if we need to be reminded of how awesome a second-place finish can be.
What? You don't know who she is? I find that pretty hard to believe, but if you really don't know, she was the first runner-up to Vanessa Williams in the 1984 Miss America pageant. After it was discovered that Vanessa Williams had posed for some tawdry photos, Suzette became Miss America. So see? The same thing could happen to me!!! I'm not saying that Amber has any of these kinds of photos on the web. I'm just saying that it wouldn't surprise me if she did and I think it should be investigated. I mean geez, her photo that won the contest was a picture of her topless baby. Where do you think he learned to pose like that?
Finally, I rounded out the week with a lovely bout of the horrendous stomach bug that is going around. I should have known better, but I have previously bragged about how my family seems to have a pretty strong constitution. I mean, every time there is something going around it seems like all of my friends pass it around their entire family. That just hasn't happened in the McCallie household. Until now. And what a bug to catch for the inaugural communicable illness!
It hit Meg first, but at the time I did not recognize it for what it was. She vomited once Tuesday night, but it wasn't very much and she seemed to feel okay, so I thought maybe she had just overeaten. Then, she vomited twice more (low volume) on Wednesday morning. Then nothing. No other symptoms. I thought we were in the clear. Fast forward to Sunday evening when I'm in Birmingham for a quick, overnight visit because my sister and her kids were in town. I was drinking wine on the couch around 7:00 p.m. and I began to feel a little queasy. Then I began to feel REAL queasy. Then, I was begging for death.
I won't go into the gory (and I do mean gory) details, but I was completely empty after about 6 hours. I finally was able to go to sleep around 1:00 when the agonizing pain in my stomach subsided only to be awakened at 1:30 by the sound of Kate crying and the scent of vomit wafting in from the next room. I dashed into her room and was quickly reminded that she had been served spaghetti for dinner and had, for once, eaten a good amount. I got her all cleaned up and sprayed as much room deodorizer as I could find leaving the room smelling like freshly squeezed lemon-vomit.
She threw up one more time (no diarrhea, thankfully, however, I was not so lucky) and we both managed to get a few hours of sleep. By the time I arrived back in Chattanooga on Monday, it was beginning to hit Mike. The tally climbs, however, because my parents informed me tonight that they were both visited by this nasty little bug in the wee hours last night. This thing is just the gift that keeps on giving! I am keeping my fingers crossed that I don't get a phone call from my sister telling me that we've infected her household. I've never had a stomach bug before and this one was a doozy. The best way to describe it is to quote a friend of mine, Victor, who went through something similar years ago when we worked together. Upon his return to work, he said very little about the effects the stomach virus had on him. He simply summed up the experience by saying, "I've got a lot of laundry to do".
So, there's my week in review. The "poop" if you will. (Couldn't resist the pun, sorry!) Here's hoping you are having a good week and that next week finds me with lots less laundry.
Wednesday, January 20, 2010
Monday, January 11, 2010
A Battle to the Death (of my dignity)
I am embroiled in a battle. It is not a battle of wills or a battle of wits, thankfully. But it is a battle just the same. And I want to win.
A photographer in Chattanooga is holding a contest the winner of which will receive a free 16x20 portrait or $150 off of a future session. She is using her favorite photo from each of the sessions she had in 2009. The one she chose from her session with us is a sweetly beautiful picture of Kate outside holding onto the handrail in our backyard. She looks so gentle and innocent. You would never know by looking at her face the way it was captured what an imp she can be. There is an opportunity to vote between now and January 15th. So, those of you who read this blog and are not in the running, please go and vote: www.dianasimpson.com (then click on her blog, then vote for my daughter).
This contest is not really about whose kid is the cutest. I will tell you emphatically that mine is, of course, but that’s not the point. You’ll go to the website and you’ll see other adorable children. It’s not really about which picture is the best. All of the pictures are good and worthy contenders. The picture of Kate is simply and truthfully one of several very good pictures of a very cute child.
What the contest is about, since we’ve established it should not be based on merit, is the fact that I want to win the prize. Do I want it for the bragging rights? Kind of, I guess, but that’s not my main motivation. Do I view it as a popularity contest? Sort of, I suppose. He (or hopefully “she” please oh please oh please) who has the most friends willing to vote will win. Do I want a 16x20 portrait for free since the pictures are so freakin’ ridiculously expensive? YES. I do. And I’m not ashamed (though I probably should be) to admit it. Nor am I ashamed (though I definitely should be) to tell you why you shouldn’t vote for my friends and neighbors whose photographs are also in the running.
First, there’s the Charapata photograph. A really good one, by the way. Probably better than the one of Kate. Amber is the subject’s mother and my closest friend in the neighborhood. Her boys are big buddies with my girls. She’s a great girl all the way around. That’s just the point - she is very pretty, she has beautiful hair, she has tons of friends, she has a really cute figure, great clothes, magnetic personality… she doesn’t need this. Plus, she’s a lot younger than I am. She has more time to win things in the future.
Then there’s the Cobb photograph. It’s one of my favorite photos ever of a kid that is not mine. Noah looks so sweet coloring in his room. It’s a great picture and Noah is a great kid. I love his mom, Denise. She lives right across the street and we used to get together with them a lot when the weather was better. She is hilarious, pretty, has the haircut I want but would look awful with, is in great shape – great figure, is very intelligent and has really great style – clothes, jewelry, shoes, everything. I can tell you that she already has quite a few pictures on her walls from her session with the photographer. I simply don’t know where she would put another 16x20. It would probably stress her out to have to find a place to put it. Clearly, she’s not the best choice.
Finally, there’s the Blackiston portrait. It’s a great one and was actually used as their Christmas card. It has the whole family (all 5 and growing) on the bed with a gift wrapped in pink to indicate the newest addition they expect next month. Very sweet picture of a beautiful family. And Steph, the mom, is a beautiful girl inside and out. She is tall and thin (save for the current baby-bump), is always smiling, and has the most gorgeous strawberry-blonde hair I’ve ever seen. She does more with her day than I do with a month. She home-schools her three boys, she cooks, she has a blog that has a bazillion readers, she is outgoing, positive, creative, and spiritual. What could she possibly need with a win? Her whole life is a win.
Which brings us to me. I am frumpy and disheveled most days. I only shower about 4-5 days a week. I lose my patience frequently with my kids. I use questionable tactics to try and win contests. AND I am clearly a horrible friend (as evidenced by the previous three paragraphs). Will I be happy for my friends if they win? Yes, I will. Do I want things to go in their favor? No, I do not.
Okay, I don’t deserve it. That’s clear. But don’t think of it as a vote for me. Think of it as a vote for Kate. Sweet Kate.
You know she was born 10 weeks early right?
Only weighed 2 lbs, 10 oz.
But if you want to vote for someone who was born full-term, please don’t feel guilty.
Here’s one more tidbit for you: At the end of our session, the girls were playing in the backyard on the swing set while the photographer was loading up her equipment. At the same time, she and I turned around and watched helplessly as Meg, my sweet two year old, fell off of a ladder she was climbing to get to the top of the slide. It was so scary! She fell on her neck and then flopped over. My first thought was that she could have cracked or broken her neck. Meg and I both cried for about 30 minutes after it happened. Such trauma. She’s okay, thankfully, but it really was a harrowing experience watching her fall from that height and then seeing her body go end over end. I don’t want you to feel pressure to vote for us simply because of this mishap, I’m just telling what happened. You can let your conscience handle the rest.
So there it is – my plea for votes. I know it is shameless and I really do feel bad about it. But this is war. War is ugly. What are you gonna do?
To vote for Kate, please go to www.dianasimpson.com and click on BLOG. The contest is at the top. Kate is midway down the last under “McCallie”. You can vote as many times as you like.
To vote for someone else’s kid, please find another contest.
A photographer in Chattanooga is holding a contest the winner of which will receive a free 16x20 portrait or $150 off of a future session. She is using her favorite photo from each of the sessions she had in 2009. The one she chose from her session with us is a sweetly beautiful picture of Kate outside holding onto the handrail in our backyard. She looks so gentle and innocent. You would never know by looking at her face the way it was captured what an imp she can be. There is an opportunity to vote between now and January 15th. So, those of you who read this blog and are not in the running, please go and vote: www.dianasimpson.com (then click on her blog, then vote for my daughter).
This contest is not really about whose kid is the cutest. I will tell you emphatically that mine is, of course, but that’s not the point. You’ll go to the website and you’ll see other adorable children. It’s not really about which picture is the best. All of the pictures are good and worthy contenders. The picture of Kate is simply and truthfully one of several very good pictures of a very cute child.
What the contest is about, since we’ve established it should not be based on merit, is the fact that I want to win the prize. Do I want it for the bragging rights? Kind of, I guess, but that’s not my main motivation. Do I view it as a popularity contest? Sort of, I suppose. He (or hopefully “she” please oh please oh please) who has the most friends willing to vote will win. Do I want a 16x20 portrait for free since the pictures are so freakin’ ridiculously expensive? YES. I do. And I’m not ashamed (though I probably should be) to admit it. Nor am I ashamed (though I definitely should be) to tell you why you shouldn’t vote for my friends and neighbors whose photographs are also in the running.
First, there’s the Charapata photograph. A really good one, by the way. Probably better than the one of Kate. Amber is the subject’s mother and my closest friend in the neighborhood. Her boys are big buddies with my girls. She’s a great girl all the way around. That’s just the point - she is very pretty, she has beautiful hair, she has tons of friends, she has a really cute figure, great clothes, magnetic personality… she doesn’t need this. Plus, she’s a lot younger than I am. She has more time to win things in the future.
Then there’s the Cobb photograph. It’s one of my favorite photos ever of a kid that is not mine. Noah looks so sweet coloring in his room. It’s a great picture and Noah is a great kid. I love his mom, Denise. She lives right across the street and we used to get together with them a lot when the weather was better. She is hilarious, pretty, has the haircut I want but would look awful with, is in great shape – great figure, is very intelligent and has really great style – clothes, jewelry, shoes, everything. I can tell you that she already has quite a few pictures on her walls from her session with the photographer. I simply don’t know where she would put another 16x20. It would probably stress her out to have to find a place to put it. Clearly, she’s not the best choice.
Finally, there’s the Blackiston portrait. It’s a great one and was actually used as their Christmas card. It has the whole family (all 5 and growing) on the bed with a gift wrapped in pink to indicate the newest addition they expect next month. Very sweet picture of a beautiful family. And Steph, the mom, is a beautiful girl inside and out. She is tall and thin (save for the current baby-bump), is always smiling, and has the most gorgeous strawberry-blonde hair I’ve ever seen. She does more with her day than I do with a month. She home-schools her three boys, she cooks, she has a blog that has a bazillion readers, she is outgoing, positive, creative, and spiritual. What could she possibly need with a win? Her whole life is a win.
Which brings us to me. I am frumpy and disheveled most days. I only shower about 4-5 days a week. I lose my patience frequently with my kids. I use questionable tactics to try and win contests. AND I am clearly a horrible friend (as evidenced by the previous three paragraphs). Will I be happy for my friends if they win? Yes, I will. Do I want things to go in their favor? No, I do not.
Okay, I don’t deserve it. That’s clear. But don’t think of it as a vote for me. Think of it as a vote for Kate. Sweet Kate.
You know she was born 10 weeks early right?
Only weighed 2 lbs, 10 oz.
But if you want to vote for someone who was born full-term, please don’t feel guilty.
Here’s one more tidbit for you: At the end of our session, the girls were playing in the backyard on the swing set while the photographer was loading up her equipment. At the same time, she and I turned around and watched helplessly as Meg, my sweet two year old, fell off of a ladder she was climbing to get to the top of the slide. It was so scary! She fell on her neck and then flopped over. My first thought was that she could have cracked or broken her neck. Meg and I both cried for about 30 minutes after it happened. Such trauma. She’s okay, thankfully, but it really was a harrowing experience watching her fall from that height and then seeing her body go end over end. I don’t want you to feel pressure to vote for us simply because of this mishap, I’m just telling what happened. You can let your conscience handle the rest.
So there it is – my plea for votes. I know it is shameless and I really do feel bad about it. But this is war. War is ugly. What are you gonna do?
To vote for Kate, please go to www.dianasimpson.com and click on BLOG. The contest is at the top. Kate is midway down the last under “McCallie”. You can vote as many times as you like.
To vote for someone else’s kid, please find another contest.
Monday, January 4, 2010
New Year’s Resolutions
As with each new year, I have been reflecting recently on the things I need to do or to fix/change in my life in order to be a better, happier person. I’m happy in general. Very happy, actually. But there are always things we can all point to that we’d change about ourselves and each year we resolve to do just that. And, for the first two weeks of each year, our diet is better, our closets are cleaner, and we are much more likely to stay within the speed limit. Then, we go inevitably go back to our old, gluttonous ways and lay the groundwork for the next year’s resolutions.
I don’t really care much for resolutions. I don’t think you should decide to work on things one time a year. I think of it in the same way I do dieting – nothing will work unless or until it is a change in lifestyle. Quick fixes don’t solve the problem. So, that being said, I thought I’d go through my annual process of picking several things I will never change, and set myself up for failure by vowing to change them. There are also goals I am setting for myself that are not necessarily things that need changing, but thing that just need starting.
Here is my list for 2010:
1. I will make Meg’s scrapbook detailing the events and milestones in her first year of life. (Meg turned 2 in October)*
2. I will limit sweets to weekends, holidays, birthdays, other celebrations, times when I get shaky and need something sweet, times when I’m at a party and am drunk and have forgotten that I’ve vowed not to eat sweets, and other times when no one will find out that I've caved.*
3. I will do a better job of not cursing in front of my children. It's not good to curse as a general rule, but I really need to be cognizant of it particularly since my kids repeat everything they hear. But, it's hard. Damn hard.**
4. I will keep my car neat and tidy but not necessarily clean. It's so hard to find the time to have it cleaned or clean it myself, so saying I'll keep it clean is just an obvious lie. But I could do a much better job of keeping it from being uninhabitable. There is dust EVERYWHERE, toys, paper, wrappers, and any other kind of junk all over the floor, and God-knows-what smashed into the crevices of each car seat. It's foul. And, at all times it either smells like fast food or faster food. Yuck.*
5. I will do a better job of sending thank you notes. Ugh, why did I even write that? I am horrible at that. Don't people know that the best gift of all is being excused from sending thank you notes? Why don't people give me gifts and then say, no thank you note needed. Those of you reading this who give me gifts on occasion need to pay attention to that last sentence and perhaps work that into your own 2010 resolutions. Thanks.*
6. I will stop complaining so much. Yeah, I agree. Never going to happen.**
7. I will be more patient with my children. (I was laughing as I typed that last sentence.)**
8. I will be healthier. This means I'll eat better, exercise more, and focus on positive things instead of filling my mind with anger, blame, depressing thoughts and the crap that's on TV. I won't guarantee that everything I put into my body and mind will be healthy, but I'll do a better job of keeping myself healthy. The older I get, the more I realize that it's a wonder any of us ever make it. There is so much sadness out there. Diseases. Bad luck. Bad food. How much happier would we all be if we took ownership of our bodies and our surroundings?
9. I will not post serious things like that last resolution. People are expecting sarcasm and this just throws them off. **
10. I will not be so happy being frumpy and lazy. The first thing I do when I get home from work is slap my hair up into a rubber band, rip my bra off and change into my pajamas (or if I want to dress up, some sweats). My poor husband. I'm sure he'd appreciate seeing some trace of the woman he married. She is buried under about 20-25 pounds she's put on since their wedding, flannel pants, and a fairly repulsive old, pit-stained T-shirt. I'll show him that I care about his happiness by paying a little more attention to what he comes home to everyday.*
That seems like a pretty good list. I'm sure I'll come up with some new ones as I break these over the next few days. But this is at least a good starting point.
I wish you luck in keeping your resolutions and I hope 2010 brings you much happiness and contentment.
* Denotes items that I am unlikely to actually accomplish
** Denotes resolutions I have already broken
I don’t really care much for resolutions. I don’t think you should decide to work on things one time a year. I think of it in the same way I do dieting – nothing will work unless or until it is a change in lifestyle. Quick fixes don’t solve the problem. So, that being said, I thought I’d go through my annual process of picking several things I will never change, and set myself up for failure by vowing to change them. There are also goals I am setting for myself that are not necessarily things that need changing, but thing that just need starting.
Here is my list for 2010:
1. I will make Meg’s scrapbook detailing the events and milestones in her first year of life. (Meg turned 2 in October)*
2. I will limit sweets to weekends, holidays, birthdays, other celebrations, times when I get shaky and need something sweet, times when I’m at a party and am drunk and have forgotten that I’ve vowed not to eat sweets, and other times when no one will find out that I've caved.*
3. I will do a better job of not cursing in front of my children. It's not good to curse as a general rule, but I really need to be cognizant of it particularly since my kids repeat everything they hear. But, it's hard. Damn hard.**
4. I will keep my car neat and tidy but not necessarily clean. It's so hard to find the time to have it cleaned or clean it myself, so saying I'll keep it clean is just an obvious lie. But I could do a much better job of keeping it from being uninhabitable. There is dust EVERYWHERE, toys, paper, wrappers, and any other kind of junk all over the floor, and God-knows-what smashed into the crevices of each car seat. It's foul. And, at all times it either smells like fast food or faster food. Yuck.*
5. I will do a better job of sending thank you notes. Ugh, why did I even write that? I am horrible at that. Don't people know that the best gift of all is being excused from sending thank you notes? Why don't people give me gifts and then say, no thank you note needed. Those of you reading this who give me gifts on occasion need to pay attention to that last sentence and perhaps work that into your own 2010 resolutions. Thanks.*
6. I will stop complaining so much. Yeah, I agree. Never going to happen.**
7. I will be more patient with my children. (I was laughing as I typed that last sentence.)**
8. I will be healthier. This means I'll eat better, exercise more, and focus on positive things instead of filling my mind with anger, blame, depressing thoughts and the crap that's on TV. I won't guarantee that everything I put into my body and mind will be healthy, but I'll do a better job of keeping myself healthy. The older I get, the more I realize that it's a wonder any of us ever make it. There is so much sadness out there. Diseases. Bad luck. Bad food. How much happier would we all be if we took ownership of our bodies and our surroundings?
9. I will not post serious things like that last resolution. People are expecting sarcasm and this just throws them off. **
10. I will not be so happy being frumpy and lazy. The first thing I do when I get home from work is slap my hair up into a rubber band, rip my bra off and change into my pajamas (or if I want to dress up, some sweats). My poor husband. I'm sure he'd appreciate seeing some trace of the woman he married. She is buried under about 20-25 pounds she's put on since their wedding, flannel pants, and a fairly repulsive old, pit-stained T-shirt. I'll show him that I care about his happiness by paying a little more attention to what he comes home to everyday.*
That seems like a pretty good list. I'm sure I'll come up with some new ones as I break these over the next few days. But this is at least a good starting point.
I wish you luck in keeping your resolutions and I hope 2010 brings you much happiness and contentment.
* Denotes items that I am unlikely to actually accomplish
** Denotes resolutions I have already broken
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