Giving My Kids The Sun, The Moon And The Stars

A couple of days ago as I was driving the kids to school, Kate said from the back seat, "The moon is the sun".  I responded back to her in the manner I often do when my mind is on other things - with a dismissive, "Mmm hmm, yes". 

Then I thought back to an article Mike had read about how children develop and thrive.  The author's point was that children whose parents continue to challenge them in the absence of school (spring break, summers, etc.) and take advantage of educational opportunities wherever they exist become more successful than children with parents like me.  The author didn't mention me by name, of course, but I'm pretty sure it was implied.

So, when I thought of that article, I decided that Kate deserved a better response and further, a better life, than what I was giving her.

"Actually, Kate," I said, "the moon is a moon and the sun is a star." 

"What, Mama?"  "What is a moon?"

Dang.  I don't really know what a moon is.

"The moon is a moon, kind of like a planet, but the sun is a big, bright star."

"The sun is a star?"

Oh, Lord, here it comes, I thought.  She's going to ask me what a planet is versus a star.  How the hell am I going to explain that to a 4 year old when I don't really know the answer as a 37 year old?

"Well, yes, honey, it's our brightest star," I began, now second guessing if the sun actually was star.  "It's kind of a nebulous body that gives us our light and our heat."

Oh, great, I thought.  Like she's going to know what nebulous means.  Do I know what nebulous means?!

"What I mean is that it's a big, fiery ball of gases up in the sky and our planets revolve around it."

Terrific, I thought, all she knows of gas is that it goes into a car or comes out of her bottom.  How am I going to explain this one?

I started to kind of panic.  Every time I tried to explain it in a new way, I used words or metaphors that I was worried would elicit more questions from her.  I just wanted the conversation to be over, but in a way that made her a more curious, intelligent person and not the mouth-breather I was currently molding her to be.  I wanted to feed her thirst for knowledge, but I wanted out of the current conversation because I knew I had no hope of explaining the intricacies of the universe to her.  I do well to just explain why she has to empty her bladder before she goes to bed each night.  But I continued.  I should have stopped, but I pressed on.

"You see, God created the earth and there was this big BANG..."  Okay, now I am teaching creation and evolution in one breath - and neither one very well.  I can't have her telling her friends at pre-school (in a church, no less) about the big bang theory.  But I also personally believe in the evolution argument, so now what am I going to do?  I don't think the two have to be mutually exclusive.  But then... we've established that I am an idiot. I want my daughters to learn both theories and decide what they think and believe. But is now the time to go into all of this???

"There are nine planets (there are 9, right?) in our solar system."  What the hell does a 4 year old know about the damn solar system?  WHAT AM I DOING?!!  "We live on the planet earth and we have a moon that we call... the moon."  I am an idiot.  "The planets all revolve move around the sun and it keeps us warm."

What if she asks me what the moon does?  I don't know what the moon does.  It just sits there and... moons around... and stuff.  "We've sent people up all the way to the moon before.  There's an American flag (and a Tri-Delta pin so the story goes) up there." Why is my mouth still moving?  Now what am I going to say if she asks if people live up there?  Or, worse, what if she wants to know if there's life on other planets? 

At this point, I could feel perspiration forming on my forehead.  It was becoming ever clearer that I was too dumb to have had children.  At least I knew I was too dumb.  Most dumb people don't know they're dumb.  So, I guess I had one up on them.  I began thinking about about how much worse this would get when the girls would bring their homework home and ask me for help.  They'd end up in remedial classes if I was the one to offer assistance.  Mike was going to have to be their tutor.

I was picturing the four of us sitting around the table in a few years.  Mike would be explaining math or geography or something.  Kate and Meg would have their books open and would be listening intently.  Then, pan over, and there's me.  Furiously taking notes so as not to miss a word he was saying.  Their schooling would be my ticket to an acceptable level of education. 

"Does any of that make sense, sweetie?", I asked Kate.

Silence.

"Kate?"

Silence.

I looked in the rear view mirror and there was Kate.  Earphones on. Staring at the TV screen.  Watching Mickey Mouse Clubhouse.  Not listening to any of the foolishness coming from the front seat.  How much had she heard, I wondered.  Did she only hear me absent mindedly agree with her?  Did she hear the word "nebulous"? 

Of course, I do see the irony that here I am freaking out trying to educate my daughter and yet I have allowed her to be glued to a DVD for the 15 minutes it takes to get her to school.  I am clearly part of the problem and not part of the solution here.  I can only hope she never asks me another question ever, ever again.

The only thing I am left to wonder is, what the hell is a moon?  Perhaps there is a 4 year old out there who can explain it all to me.