Ask Maggie Vol. 1

So, I have already had to abandon my Lent promise to exercise at least
four days a week. Last week - the first week of my new commitment, by the
way - I only got on the treadmill twice. So, I've decided I'll just go
with the old standby and give up fast food. I will, however, have to go
an extra day beyond Easter before I can eat it again because I had Zaxby's
on Ash Wednesday. I suck.

Not much that is blogworthy going on here these days. Seems like a good
time to start a new Random Ramblings feature. It's called Ask Maggie and its premise is this: I will read and respond to a printed question in a trashy women's magazine like Glamour or Cosmopolitan. I have wanted to
have a self-help column for a while now because of some of the ridiculous
things people actually take the time to ask about. My favorite was a
question I read in Cosmo several years ago.

My sister and I were in line at the grocery store when she and her husband
(pre kids, so this really was a while ago...) were living in Cary, NC. I was flipping through it and saw this question and just had to read it aloud. It basically went like this:

Dear Cosmo Health and Body Expert Something or Other,

I constantly think about food. I eat a lot of fattening foods and then
feel bad about myself for the rest of the day. I don't tell my boyfriend
all of the candy bars I eat during the day for fear he'll call me fat. I
go to bed thinking about food and I wake up hungry. Sometimes I gorge
myself and then make myself vomit.

Then, the last sentence read - and I am not making this up:

Could I have an eating disorder?

When I read this out loud, the man standing behind me actually starting
laughing along with us. First of all, did this person writing the letter know the definition of an eating disorder? Because she pretty much cited it exactly in her
letter. Second, why would she ask this question to a magazine writer and
not a physician? Third, what an idiot.

That's where I come in. I would now like to respond to inquiries like
this one the way they should be responded to. With a healthy dose of
sarcasm! I just really don't like these magazines. All of the airbrushed
models, the "easy" tips to getting fit at work (note to Cosmo, I will not
clinch my butt cheeks at my desk five times a day), the "how to make your
man beg for more" articles, and the stupid "how inhibited are you"?
quizzes - it's all such CRAP. And women and girls just eat it up. This
magazine will solve all of my problems and make me attractive! I don't
like these magazines because they give off the impression that they want to help women find themselves, but really they end up stunting women's growth by placing value on superficial things and outward appearances.

I realize that the way I write would lead people to believe that I am a
complete hag. I'm really not. (Wait, what if I am?!!) I just have for a
long time now been free of the pressure to look a certain way and be a
certain way and project a certain image of perfection. How is it that I
am free? I freed myself by not caring and only investing in people who
also do not care. That's not to say I don't care at all what others
think. I think a healthy dose of concern for that is probably good. As
an example, I try to look decent when I leave the house. I don't want my
kids to have dirty faces or clothes (but I do admit that I am not a
nose-picker and so they normally do have boogies on display) when we go
somewhere. But if they do, I don't apologize for it and I don't let it
worry me. Because at the end of the day, I want my character to be
judged; not the house I live in, where my kids go to school, what size I
wear, etc.

Am I reading too much into these magazines? Absolutely. But I do think they
send a bad message and I am on a one-woman mission to relay a better
message. So, with that said, here goes my first attempt at doling out
advice to the youngsters.

Here is a letter taken from the Single John section of glamour online. It can be found here. Here is the letter:


I've been dating this guy for a year and a half. He is in the military, currently stationed in Japan. We'd been seriously talking about getting married and had even gone to look at rings. He’s been overseas for three months now, and all of sudden he went from wanting to get married to being scared of marriage and telling me it was just too difficult to have a girlfriend while he was over there--that he barely had time for himself let alone time to think about anybody else. It wasn't that he didn't love me or care for me, the distance was just too much. He said he’d be open to getting back together when he's done, which is about a year a half from now. Can someone please explain to me why he is acting this way?

Um... yes, I believe I can.

First of all, you are asking a guy who calls himself "Single John" and works for Glamour magazine. You know that Single John is probably some 40 year old divorced woman, right? Anyway...here's my response.

He is acting this way because he no longer is in love with you. Thanks for your question.

Regards, Ask Maggie

So, there's my first Ask Maggie column. I think it's going to be successful.