My sister was once on a plane to Birmingham where she saw and spoke to Courteney Cox and David Arquette. I’m sure she now regrets what she said since we have done nothing but tease her about it since she admitted it to us. She told them, “You’re so much cuter in person!”. What a tool.
My friend Amy was stopped on the street and interviewed for the ABC program, What Would You Do?. I know this because I happened to be watching it – which I never had before and have not since – and all of a sudden there was my friend responding to a question about how she would handle it if she knew her boss was about to be fired and also about to lay down a bunch of money on a new house. She came off sounding reasonably intelligent despite a. representing the south and b. having just been randomly approached on the street and asked to respond.
I was interviewed once on the local news. I was just leaving the Fresh Market on a rainy and blustery day having made the decision earlier in the day to let my hair “go curly”. I was also newly pregnant. Not pregnant enough for it to be obvious I was pregnant; but pregnant enough to, with the addition of my stringy, frizzy hair, be thoroughly unattractive. They asked if I’d talk to them about my opinion of the legitimacy of global warming. Did I really have an opinion on global warming? No, not really. I didn’t and don’t know enough about the subject to have an intelligent response. Apparently that was just what they were looking for because they insisted I talk to them. I gave some rambling, idiotic response about how “I tend to believe it’s real”. (I’m really not sure I do.) What a tool.
I also had a couple of instances where I ended up on the radio in my teens where I was calling after a slight dusting of snow to inquire about the status of school being open. (It always was, dammit.) In addition to that, I was also quite the tubular contestant on Chattanooga’s local (now defunct) 80’s station’s Totally Awesome 80’s trivia. I won 3-4 times but I never gave my real name on the air. I was too embarrassed that a person my age would be moronic enough to call in. But I did get a couple of car washes and massages out of it. What a (totally awesome) tool.
So imagine my elation when, on a trip to New Orleans for the BCS game (which I cared nothing about) I spotted 3 celebrities and came face to face with them! First of all, the trip to New Orleans was great fun! Mike and I went down with my sister and brother-in-law and met up with my brother and his family. We got to stay in a house right off of St. Charles in a kind of historic district with street cars and old, gorgeous southern homes. We ate and drank. And drank and ate. I saw a stripper come waltzing out of one of those nasty clubs on Bourbon Street (didn’t see anything other than what was hanging out of each side of her thong, but still – a real, live stripper!). I drank a Hurricane – although to be honest, it wasn’t nearly as awesome as it was when I was in college and had not yet developed a palette for good wines and cocktails. It was a truly New Orleansy experience. What I was not expecting was the number of celebrities who would be out and about.
Our first encounter with the rich and famous came shortly after our arrival the first night we were there. What’s the one thing you hope you won’t have when you have a few days away from the kids? You guessed it – your period. (Unless you’re a man in which case you’d answer that question, “a wife who has her period”.) So, we had to find a store close by as you clearly must know from my previous post. We women bleed so much that with both my sister and I bleeding in unison (you know we all start menstruating when we’re around each other), it could have been Katrina all over again.
At any rate, we found a Whole Foods. Because, let’s be honest - we need organic tampons. We need soy or wheat or flax or something like that in them. I want to be able to plant them in the backyard when I’m finished with them. I only buy TamFlax tampons. I say that as a joke, but they probably exist somewhere. Anyway, we had to stop at Whole Foods for tampons and who do I walk right past on an aisle? Russell Crowe! You’ll be glad to know, he was not purchasing tampons. I’m not sure what he was getting, but I looked up as we passed each other and thought, that looks just like Russell Crowe. He was even dressed down as though to “fit in” like a “normal person”. He was dressed in an unassuming flannel shirt and blue jeans with his gorgeous, multi-million dollar, Oscar-winning face.
At that point, I rushed over to Marc, my brother in law, and told him what I had just seen. I wasn’t 100% sure, but I knew he’d go check it out. So, Marc immediately went to the check-out girls and asked if they had recognized him. They had no clue who he was and didn’t seem to care much that I wanted to stalk him. Marc then went and asked someone about the signature on the receipt. I’m still unclear on this, but I believe they were able to confirm it was The Gladiator himself. As soon as I got back to the car, I grabbed my iPhone and searched for information on Russell Crowe. Turns out, he’s in New Orleans shooting a film. I knew it! I saw the Gladiator in the flesh – or really, the flannel – but we walked right past each other. We made absolutely no eye contact at all, but something passed between us. I felt it. And I’m damn sure he did.
So, the next day, in between rounds of eating and drinking with impunity, we decided to go shopping along Magazine Street. I like that area a lot. Lots of cool shops and coffee houses. Also lots of weirdos. It’s great! Anyway, we came upon a cigar shop and my brother ran in to go get a few cigars for himself, Mike and Marc. While he was in there, the rest of us (my sister in law, Yisel, my sister, Mary and I) hung around outside since the stroller holding my niece Harper was too big and bulky to go into the shop.
While we were milling around minding our own business, a tall, lanky, dark-headed man approached with his young daughter. He was talking to her the entire way. I was struck by his accent. He was very obviously English. He had a kind of cockney accent like the one I can do when I am exaggerating. But his was real. And believable, as opposed to mine. He and I made eye contact and I smiled. He looked familiar so I’m actually not sure if I smiled or if I simply studied him. He held my gaze for a moment. It was kind of a weird look. Sort of like he was undressing me with his eyes. Really, it was nothing like that (not that I’d know that look…). But it was just…odd. I realized later he was likely looking at me waiting for me to recognize him or say his name. He’s used to that. But it didn’t register with me right away who he was. He, too, was dressed very casually. Jeans, a t-shirt and ball cap. When he got up next to the stroller, he turned to his daughter and said, “Look at tha li-uhl bye-bee”. He and my sister exchanged “hi’s” and they went past us. I turned to my sister and said, “That’s Sasha Baron Cohen”. She agreed it did look like him. I pointed out I knew he had a daughter probably close to the age of the little girl and that, in fact, the girl looked like his wife, Isla Fischer. Mary looked back toward them and said, “There’s Isla Fischer!!” Yisel and I got all excited and I dashed into the cigar shop to alert my brother that a comedy genius had just spoken to his daughter. When I came out with John, they were gone. They had disappeared down a side street.
So we did what any other kind, respectful fans would do. We tried to find them and gawk at them again. It dawned on me that he had been looking at me funny because he might be so used to people quoting his movies to him or falling all over themselves to engage him that he was surprised at being left alone. Russell’s M-O was to just look completely past me in order to avoid the fawning and idiocy that the average person must subject him to. He came across as cold and aloof. Sasha seemed friendlier, since he had made eye contact and acknowledged my niece. He seemed like a better sport about his celebrity than did Russell. Of course, it is conceivable that I am reading an awful lot into two experiences whose combined timing lasted all of about 10 seconds.
We walked down the street for a while until we decided that they had probably ducked into a private location and we wouldn’t see them again. When we had finished with our shopping, we went back in the car and drove down Magazine Street on our way home. We were talking about how cool it was that we had seen the man who played Borat and how neat it was that they were just out enjoying the day as a family not worried about being hounded by the paparazzi when we spotted them again. We were so excited! We yelled at told John to pull over so he could get a good look. As you may remember, John hadn’t seen them yet. He was buying cigars.
Chaos erupted in the car. John was not really sure if we were serious that he should pull over. I mean, we were adults, right? We shouldn’t be behaving this way. They’re just famous people. It’s not like it was the President or the Pope. Just two actors. And not even highly recognizable ones at that. I told Mary to roll down her window to get a couple of pictures so we could brag about this to everyone later. Who would believe we had seen so many famous people in such a short span of time? We needed photographic proof. Yisel was sliding as far down in her seat as she could; clearly uncomfortable that we wouldn’t leave these people alone. Mary leaned the camera out the window as inconspicuously as possible. They were across the street from where we were and it is a busy street so hopefully they were blissfully unaware of the amateur paparazzos in the white Toyota. And here we had just been discussing how refreshing it probably was for them to be able to go out in public without being hassled!
Although I don’t normally post pictures on this blog, I did want to share the shots we got so you will have irrefutable proof of our celebrity sighting.
This first one is of Isla Fischer whom you may remember from her role in Wedding Crashers.
Okay, a car drove by right when Mary took the picture. This one clearly shows her.
And here’s Sasha with one of Isla's eyes making into the shot.
Clearly my sister has no future in the paprazzi.
In case you are doubtful, I looked it up and he, too, is filming in New Orleans. It was them. We know it was. It’s just that we need to brush up on our ambush photography. We did consider going back up to them and saying, “That was so rude of me. I meant to say hello.”, but ultimately, we got back into our lane and began the drive back to the house.
Along the way, we kept thinking we saw famous people, but it turned out to just be everyday Joes. Here some actual examples of things that were said during the remainder of our trip:
Also on Magazine Street –
Look! There’s Zach Galifinakis!
No, no, I was wrong. It’s just a fat guy with a beard.
Along St. Charles Avenue –
Look! There’s Lance Armstrong!
No, no, it’s just a guy with one testicle riding a bike.
Also along St. Charles –
Look! There’s Forrest Gump!
No, no, it’s just a guy running.
At Brennan’s Restaurant –
Look! There’s Verne “Mini Me” Troyer!
No, no, it’s just someone’s toddler.
At an outdoor basketball court -
Look! It's Matthew McCoughnahey!
No, no, it's just a guy who doesn't wear deodorant playing the bongos without his shirt on.
In the bar at Jacques Imo’s –
Look! It’s Tom Cruise!
No, no, it’s just a guy making cocktails.
At dinner at Jacques Imo’s –
Look! It’s Paul Newman!
No, no, it’s just an elderly man tasting salad dressing.
In the French Quarter –
Look! It’s John Travolta!
No, no, it’s just a gay guy trying to appear straight.
Ah, the fun you can have when you’re riding the “I’ve just had a brush with fame” high.
In researching if I had actually seen Russell Crowe, Sasha Baron Cohen and Isla Fischer, I noted that there were other celebrities shooting in New Orleans as well. For the rest of the trip we were on Leo watch. Others reported via Facebook having seen John Lithgow on Bourbon Street, but alas, these were the only celebrities we saw while we were there.
We had a great trip, lots of great food and drinks, and lots and lots of laughs. But now I’m back to my life as usual without any routine brushes with fame. And here I sit, wasting time telling this story when I should get myself ready and go out and be productive. I’ll wrap this up and head out. Until next time…
Look! It’s Charlize Theron!
No, no, it’s just a mirror.
