Car Sickness

Having nothing new, interesting or insightful to say, I thought I'd write about something that one of my friends suggested I write about.  That is - the personalizing of cars (windows, bumpers) craze.

I had thought about writing on this subject many times, but there are so many customized car windows and bumpers out there that I thought surely I would offend at least some of my readers.  But, being that I only have 9 "followers", perhaps none of those nine will be guilty of any of the following crimes against good taste:

1. Monogramming of car windows - Why oh why must people place a placard with their initials on their rear windows?  Is the fact that you own (or lease, whatever) the car, drive the car, and fill the car with your trash, your music, and your monogrammed travel coffee mug not enough to prove to the world that it is, in fact, your car?  This is mostly a female affliction from what I have observed.  I've not seen too many men driving around out there with big, pink scripted letters with their initials intertwined on their cars.  So, are we as females so insecure that we cannot be satisfied by simply having a nice looking sedan or SUV?  Must we now compete with each other to see whose monogram font is the cutest?  It is really annoying and appears to me to be a desperate cry for attention.  Plus, what if I accidentally cut someone off in traffic (or in some other way inadvertently make someone else mad while I'm driving)?  If I've got this or anything mentioned below, my car is now much more recognizable and easy to identify.  I much prefer to fly (drive) under the radar.

2. Cutesy family characters on car windows - The thinking here is that in case passersby cannot see into my car, I want to assure them, that this is a car holding a loving family of cute stick figures; including adorably sketched cats, dogs and fish.  Do we do this because we want to confirm to our high school nemesis that we did get married and successfully had children?  Are we bragging about how proud we are of our little perfect family?  What is the point of announcing to the world that I've had two children by placing a caricature of them on my rear-view mirror?  And please, please do not forget about the ones where every family member, including the aforementioned pets, are wearing Mickey Mouse ears.  Don't get me wrong.  I admitted in a previous post that I am now a Disney nerd.  But not so much so that I'm going to completely embarrass and humiliate my family by plastering it on my car.  My car!  My car is a means to an end.  Not a shrine to myself.  I'm not that vain.  Why, then are other people?

3. Piss on________________ - Ah, those clever little Calvin and Hobbes-looking characters who are urinating on Fords, Chevys and any other truck that needs to be taken down a notch or two.  One thing I will assure my readers and my fellow travelers is that if I ever own a truck, I will not "piss on" whatever truck you may own if it differs from mine.  We can both own a different model of truck and still be friends and kind to one another.  That is my promise to you as a good citizen of the road.

4. Political Bumper Stickers:  There are far too many to name but we've all seen them.

Don't Blame Me, I Voted For Kerry

I'll Keep My Guns, My Money, And My Freedom, You Can Keep Your Change

Obama/Biden - Because Everyone Deserves What You Worked So Hard To Obtain

I'd Rather Go Hunting With Dick Cheney Than Driving With Ted Kennedy

Jesus Was A Liberal

The arrogance of these bumper stickers amazes me.  As if some clever little saying on my back fender is going to change the political mind of the person who passes me in traffic.  Why are we so consumed with telling everyone everything that we think, feel and believe?  Does anyone care?  The answer is no, no one cares.  If someone wants your opinion, they will ask you.  They won't get in the car, fasten their seat belt and go driving around in search of some sensible solutions for the country.

5. "Clever" or "Funny" Bumper Stickers - I actually have a friend who sends me an email or a text message anytime she sees one of these little gems.  I do the same with her.  There are so many idiotic slogans and musings out there that you wonder A. Who took the time to come up with it; B. Who took the time to actually have it printed; and C. Who actually would pay money for it?  Below are some of my favorites from recent memory:

Cowgirl Butts Drive Me Nuts

Do Not Meddle In The Affairs Of Dragons For You Are Crunchy And Taste Good With Ketchup

Whose Cruel Idea Was It To Have An "S" In "Lisp"?

Atheism is A Non-Prophet Organization

Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion

Wear Short Sleeves - Support your Right To Bare Arms!

There's really nothing I can say about any of these that they don't already say for themselves.  And yet, every time I get into my car, I run the risk of coming face to face with these and countless other stupid sayings.  When I see things like this, I begin to hope that somehow my tires will kick up a rock and crack the other person's windshield.  They would deserve it for making such a poor choice when adhering the sticker to their car.

I guess what bothers me about all of the things above is that it speaks to me of a society looking for attention.  The 15 minutes of fame we hear so much about.  The I'm not content to simply be on the road driving around quietly from location to location attitude of it all.  The I need to shout mentality.  Shouting - just like they do on CNN and Fox News.  Just like they do on every reality TV show.  I need you to know exactly what I think whether you care or not.  I need to be seen and I need to be heard because that will make me more interesting than I actually am.

It's not enough these days for people to simply exist in and among everyone else.  They have to have their initials, their "footprint" branded into everything to feel a sense of worth.  Well, I can tell you I am perfectly happy with the barely-noticeable sticker I have on my own back window.  It is one that supports local law enforcement.  I have it there in case I am pulled over again for speeding in the hopes they'll see it and kindly let me go with a warning.  If they saw something there about cowboy butts, I think I might be looking at a ticket...

Before signing off, I will answer the question many of you probably are asking:

If she thinks that people with their initials on their cars are desperate for attention, what does that say about someone with a blog?

The only thing I can really say that would make sense would be:

Everyone Is Entitled To My Opinion.